Monday, April 2, 2012

Not today

I had such plans for a powerful post today. It's Autism Awareness Day, the start of Autism Awareness Month, and we've just received updated prevalence numbers from the CDC on autism (1 in 88 now). I was going to write about what this means, especially for the newly diagnosed children and their families. I was going to write about what our call to action is.

But not today.

Today, I just don't feel like being an advocate. I don't want to raise awareness. I don't want to be the picture of an autism mom. I don't want to schedule and over-schedule my child. I don't want to push him. I don't want to push at an IEP meeting. I don't want to be sleep deprived. I don't want to research therapies. I don't want to deal with insurance, doctors, or medications. I don't want to be held up as a graceful example of special needs parent. I don't want to worry. I really don't want to worry.

Today, I just want to get in my car and drive--alone. Anywhere. Maybe somewhere warm. Mexico, that's it. I want to sit on the beach and drink beer. I want to ruminate only about what color to paint my toenails. I'll stop at Nordstrom and buy four pairs of impractical shoes. Then I'll catch up on what those Real Housewives are doing.

Maybe it was a challenging night, or the fact that Erik's been gone a lot, or because my little guy seems overwhelmed a bit more lately. But today, the autism reality (and its media saturation) is not what I want to think about. Today, I want to escape. I want to forget, just for a little while. I want to be in a place where the only worries are what to wear and what to drink (flip-flops and sangria, I think).

And I know tomorrow I'll put on my cloak of advocacy again. My child deserves that, needs that. But in this hour, I'm just thinking about my beach in Mexico.


  1. Powerful. Thanks for giving me perspective.

  2. I think its so awesome to dream of paradise. It's funny I've been thinking lately about how it's so powerful to be able to escape through our fantasies and dreams -- that new Coldplay song got me thinking about it. You deserve more than the fantasy!

  3. Maybe we can make this happen for you, Jen. We'll see you tonight after dinner.

  4. Leave it to mom to make fantasy reality! Go mom!

    But...I totally understand. No one should expect to be an advocate all the time. That (among all other special-needs responsibilities) is exhausting.

    My special world includes breastfeeding and/or being pregnant since July of 2010. I have another year, and then by about May of 2013, I will be done. This is all my doing, but it gets old. As an autism mom, you are never done...but there are breaks to take advantage of.



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