Wills and trusts

Last week, Erik and I visited our new lawyer to start work on getting a special needs trust set up for Soren. We need a way to ensure he'll have the funds to live well when one or both of us are gone, as well as when he's aged out of our insurance as an adult. (Small soapbox here, but our government and communities FAIL at providing for autistic adults. I'm learning that there's no one agency that coordinates care, and you have to prove poverty to get any--crappy--benefits.)

The lawyer had a nice perspective (he must do this with parents a lot): hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

Erik and I had completely different reactions to the session. He thought it was reassuring to have a concrete arrangement and an action plan. I thought it was terribly depressing to face some really scary future events. The thought of our little (and eventually big) guy navigating this world without us is just too much to bear right now. I found myself dissociating from the discussion, thinking only in really abstract terms so I wouldn't focus on these being decisions about Soren's real life.

I suppose all discussions of wills and insurance involve this kind of thinking. It is always a what-if scenario. Maybe everyone dissociates from the details a bit. I am glad that we have started to put safety nets in place for Soren. But boy do I wish that we were funding his college education or post-graduation European bash instead of his daily living for the rest of his life.

I'd love to hear your perspective: How do you plan wisely for the really unpleasant future events without getting mired in them?